meaning of life

communication - NOT!

2009-11-10T16:30:00.000-08:00

As a social worker I have often explained to people that communication is not what you say but how others interpret what you say. It is so easy to forget that. After all, if I say something I know what I meant to say...so of course, you must know it to. And if we are "family" well - you know me so you have to understand me - and my intentions. Wouldn't it be nice if that were true?

Unfortunately over the last couple of weeks I have seen yet another example of how "Perception is everything." Two of my relatives - who both acknowledge the "facts" of who was doing what and who said what - (and yes, the who said and what was said match) - have radically different views of what was meant by the words that were said. One person is utterly convinced the words were meant in spite or as an embarassment. The other, didn't even realize the words had been seen as hurtful. In fact, that person thought the words would help a the other person avoid an uncomfortable situation.

For weeks hurt feelings have been nursed - anger has flared - and yet, there was no intent to harm or embarass. Others have been pulled in to the situation - and it now seems - there really wasn't a "situation" to begin with.

We so want to believe that misunderstandings are impossible between people who love each other - but the reality is - only God understands any of us perfectly. We must always be willing to step back and take another "listen" to what those around us are saying - or our own preconceptions/misperceptions can and will make us miss the real message.

I wanna a rock and roll all night...

2009-08-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

At 50+ years old - I am pleased to announce that I am now singing with a band. Okay, it isn't a rock band - but it is a band. I'm getting to sing with a contemporary christian group made up peole from and affliated with our church. I am really enjoying the opportunity to sing with some really good musicians, praise God, and worship in some new settings.

I am also enjoying the chance to work with the group on several original songs - which means I also get to make-up parts on the spot.

I haven't had this much fun in years!

This summer - to make it even more special (ugh - bad grammar!) I got to sing with Logan. He plays a really good lead guitar and keyboards.

How many moms can lay claim to being in the same band as their 21 year old?

Anyway, apparently - we are never to old to still dream of being a "rock-star."

Birthdays

2009-06-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

Well as usual, I stink at blogging - but every now and then I have something to rattle on about.

It is now June - the month of my birth. Last year was one of those big "0" birthdays...and my friends and co-workers had a great deal of fun creating an event to remember. Of course they also made lots of comments about how I would no longer be able to remember things like that.
At any rate, I have officially decided that this June 4th will be my un-birthday. Having already "celebrated" my 50th year - I have decided to start going back in time - hence - the "un-birthday." I feel fairly certain that I will not have to worry about reaching zero and having to start all over - but if that should happen - well, I'll just have to wait and see. Of course, an un-birthday requires an un-birthday cake - which is a good idea since I need to "un"-do some of the calories and pounds I've put on over the 50 previous years. And I certainly have more than enough stuff - so maybe I will give "un-birthday " presents - and clean out my closets, shelves, and bookcases.

Anyway, I hope you will all celebrate my un-birthday with me!

A day at the office

2009-02-18T14:50:00.000-08:00

Where I work we have a lot of clients who are on psychotropic medications. These medications and their effectiveness have to be reviewed periodically - every three months or when there are "problems." Today was PDR (Psychotropic drug review). Sometimes, PDR is short and sweet - everyone's doing well, no medication changes, everyone is happy. Today was not one of those days.
First, the review was long (about 40 clients to be seen). Several of these had been added to the schedule because they were having problems. This can be somewhat taxing for everyone involved. Fortunately, we often have some "comic relief" to get us through.

Without revealing anything about the actual people involved, here are some examples of how my day went. One client was quite excitedly telling us that her family were indians from Tennessee. When asked what tribe - she very slowly and clearly stated "c-o-l-d-b-l-o-o-d-e-d Indians." (We have known this person for many years and are pretty sure that she is not affliated with an indian tribe.) She then began to shout she was on the warpath, jumped up, began pounding the table, and telling the team that she was going to kill "that" woman who was messing around with her husband. Another client proceeded to request psychotropic medications - for two of the staff that work with her. (She made a pretty good case for it - indicating that they must need meds since they didn't give her second helpings of sausage that morning- even though she didn't ask for more. Evidently, not being able to read minds is a reason for medications.) Yet another client brought a deck of flash cards with him - flash cards he had made by cutting out his favorite girls from the new Sports Illustrated swim suit edition!

Yep, life and work can be pretty entertaining.

Now, where did I put my medicine bottle?

10 Things I hate right now

2008-10-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

10. Finishing a good book - and not having a sequel ready to read.
9. Having too much to do on the weekend.
8. Feeling guilty because I didn't do half the stuff I should have over the weekend.
7. People posting messages about how bad a blogger I am (even though it's true).
6. POLITICS
5. Knowing one of my kids is unhappy and not being able to "fix-it".
4. Not being able to see our new grand-daughter.
3. Big budget cuts!
2. Having to do a RIF (i.e. letting my employees go because of budget cuts.)
1. Having to tell clients we can't serve them anymore - because of - you guessed it - BUDGET CUTS.

Homecoming

2008-06-01T15:43:00.000-07:00

In 46 hours Michelle will be back in the states - and I'll be waiting to hug her.
My junk is out of her closet and clean sheets are on the bed.

I can hardly wait!

blogging grades

2008-05-04T13:59:00.000-07:00

After quickly checking the blogs of family and friends I have decided to issue grades based on the frequency or infrequency of their postings.

Michelle - gets an F - really Michelle - nothing to write in 2 months?
Paul - you get a D - its been a month for you - not as bad as Michelle - but knowing the Murphys, I know you have to have some escapade to share.
Me - I get a C - at least I post something more frequently than the 2 of you (remember - this grade is for frequency not quality of content)

Phillip / Jaime an A- I have to penalize you some since its a shared blog.

Return of the Fledglings

2008-05-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Over the past nine months, Ron and I have experienced an"empty nest" for the first time. While we have missed the kids, I must admit to having enjoyed the quiet house and freedom to do what we wanted when we wanted without regard to school schedules or their activities. My "stuff" - has gradually drifted into "their" rooms. (Michelle's room was turned into a combination library/ bedroom a couple of years ago - I'm still contemplating what to do with Logan's room).

Next weekend Logan will be back from his first year of college and next month Michelle returns from her lastest "missioning" in Amsterdam. I am excited that they will be home. I have missed them - but I must admit to some mixed feelings. I like using their spaces. I like knowing who will be home for dinner and at what time.

Of course, I also like getting to hug them and share things with them in real-time. As any parent will tell you - mom and dad's is always home - even when you have one of your own.

So this week I will pack up my stuff in preparation for the return of my fledglings.

Congratulations!

2008-04-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to my mother, Pat, who (purple cast and all) was honored last night as the Volunteer of the Year at Rankin Hospital in St. Louis!

Hurrah to Pat, "Pat's Kitchen" at Rankin, and all the kids and staff at Rankin!

Mom, they couldn't have picked anyone better!

Accident Prone

2008-04-20T17:09:00.000-07:00

Thursday night I got a phone call from my brother and a short time later from my Dad. When either of these two call it's either my birthday, a holiday, or something "bad" has happened. So right off the bat I was worried. They tell me Mom has broken her wrist and is at the hospital. My brother's version is that our 69 year old mother has broken her wrist playing soccer.

Now before anyone gets too excited let me explain. Yes, there was a soccer ball involved and yes, my mother was kicking it...to her dog. Needless to say, she missed somehow and fell - obviously trying to catch herself and breaking her arm/wrist -I'm still not sure which. (She won't know until Tuesday if surgery will be required or just casting.) So please pray for her.

Unfortunately, this is not my family's first clutzy injury. It's actually kind of a pattern for us. For example, my sister managed to break her leg stepping down off a bleacher. I've broken a toe (not once, but twice) walking into a door frame and an ankle water-skiing (not very well obviously). Michelle has cracked some ribs diving off cliffs at Heber Springs. Logan walked into a truck's path because he was "thinking" and managed to get away with only a broken clavicle.

Whether it's genetics, environment, or karma - we're all pretty accident prone. But I think Mom's got the best story. I also think it's time to switch to a new sport. Suggestions anyone?

(FYI: My Mom reads my blog - so any advice offered will get to her.)

press release

2008-03-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

FYI - Today is International Down Syndrome day.

Reality Check

2008-03-07T12:11:00.000-08:00

Okay, in my last post I said I would return to the subject of the Anne Franke and Corrie Ten Boom house visits. Everyone has heard of the Diary of Anne Franke. - The story of a young jewish girl and her family and how they hid for 3 years from the nazis. The Anne Franke house was about a block and 1/2 from the bed and breakfast where we stayed in Amsterdam. We got up early one morning and strolled along the prisengraat (canal) to the house which is now a museum. It is an empty house with photos, excerpts from the diary, historical items (like a yellow star the jews were forced to wear). The tour starts in what was the business on the main floor and moves you through to the sections where the family and friend hid. Those who helped to keep them hidden and fed (which was itself an amazing feat!) had to keep the secret not only from the nazis, but from other people who worked in the business on the main floors. All day long from (;00 until the buisness closed and workers went home they had to be completely silent. Anne tells of seeing other jews they knew dragged from their homes on the other side of the canal while ann and her family were already in hiding and feeling guilty because she did and could do nothing for them. Ultimately, they were caught and sent to the camps and only Anne's father survived.

Corri Ten Boom's story is not as well-known..but in many ways more amazing to me. Corrie's family were devout christians. They were always generous to others - even when they had little themselves. They sort of slipped into the dutch resistance - as people they knew began coming to them for help when the nazis invaded the Netherlands. Corrie's role grew until she was essentially the leader of the dutch resistance in their town (Haarlem). They added a brick wall in the back of an upstairs room leaving a small space (about the size of a closet) that could be entered by crawling through an opening at the back, bottom shelf of a closet. Over time they hid dozens (if not hundreds) of jews and resistance members for varying periods of time. They were eventually betrayed and sent to the camps. Corrie's father (who was in his eighties) and her sister died in the camps. Corrie survived - to share God's love and forgiveness and salvation for many years afterwards. The tour guide was a woman who had been a young child in Haarlem during the war and listening to her talk of the bombing, the restrictions, and the food shortages was really -something.

We think of WWII as history - long gone. But there and across Europe, whose history is so much longer than ours - and who experienced everything on their home soil - the war is recent history. It's still fresh and painful.

Standing in Corrie's house, seeing pictures of her and many of those she helped to save, hearing her story of God's outpouring on her...was so moving and humbling. After returning home I read Corrie's account of this time in her life in her book "The Hiding Place". And I couldn't help but think about how small my faith is, how much I limit God's action in my life. And I wonder when times like those return - as I believe they will - who will God work through then? Who will let him light the way, pour forth his love, reflect his redemption? And if it is me - will I do as she did - and learn to say, "God I can't - but you can - so send your strength, your love, your forgiveness, through me - and by so doing - learn to love and forgive as she did?

Amsterdam - take one

2008-03-02T12:54:00.000-08:00

Since I said I'd post this weekend (and certain friends reminded me this morning that I had yet to do so) I will try to write at least a little about the Amsterdam visit. Most importantly, Michelle is doing well - working hard, sharing Christ, and growing in faith. What she does still scares me - but God is using her.

First, Amsterdam is an incredible city consisting of graats (canals), straats (streets) and buildings...tall buildings, all connected to each other. There is very little open green space like we are used to here in the south. And the buildings are OLD and narrow and have steep, winding, skinny stairs ...and obviously - old buildings do not have elevators. Picture me carrying a large suitcase and carry-on bag up to the fourth floor on a staircase with steps so narrow I had to turn my foot sideways to fit on the step.

Second Amsterdam is a city of bikes. They are everywhere with their own lanes and traffic lights. Old bikes - think 1940's style. When a walker (usually a tourist) is in their way they ring little bells on the bike to tell you to get out of the way. Everyone bikes and/or walks in Amsterdam - and no one is fat. There are bikes parked (and chained) everywhere to everything. If my pictures turn out okay - and I finally took the film in today - I will have a photo of a 3 story parking garage - for bikes. It was amazing!

Amsterdam (and the other cities we visited) is a city of gothic churches. Wester Kerk (West Church) was right across the street from our hotel. The churches are old, massive stone, awe-inspiring - with stained glass and magnificent pipeorgans. Unfortunately - almost all of them are now museums rather than churches. In talking with Michelle, our host, and others - the city has a very strong religious history - but is largely apathetic toward religion.

We had the opportunity to worship with Zolder church (the congregation of believers that Michelle worships with). Zolder Church consists of about 150 (?) believers from all walks of life - who meet in 2 groups (Zolder A and B). The groups worship on alternating Sundays and the whole group meets together on 5th Sundays with small groups meeting mid-week. The worship was uplifting. At present the congregation is meeting in a backroom of a restuarant/club. Originally they met in an attic or Zolder (hence the name). Services are in English (with Dutch translations of the lessons provided). It was a very comfortable, welcoming group and I would love to meet with them again.

Another interesting visit we had (though not a normal tourist one) was our dinner and long talk with a friend of MIchelle's, Antony. Antony has a really interesting story - of how he lost his life and fortune - and how he came to find real life in Christ just when he was ready to end his life. Fascinating story - he has written an account of his experience and salvation. I am very interested in seeing what God has in store for this man. I have received an email copy of his story and hope to share it with many of you later. Hopefully, he will show up in the states in the next year and I'll get a chance to introduce him to you.

Of course, we also did the usual tourist stuff - boat tour of the canals, visit the museums - including the Van Gogh museum, toured a dutch east indies trading ship, and went to Delft to see how the Delft china is made. Two of the places really caused us to seriously reflect - the Anne Franke Haus and the Corrie Ten Boom house. Anne Frank's house was about 1 1/2 blocks from where we were staying. Corrie Ten Boom house was in Haarlem (a short distance outside of Amsterdam). I will write more about those places later.

Home again, Home again, jiggety, jig!

2008-02-28T13:45:00.000-08:00

Back at home. Trip was great - I'll write about it this weekend. Jet lag on the return was interesting but I'm almost back to normal (for me anyway).

MIchelle s doing well and doing good work. Crazy place - interesting people.

And the Corrie Ton Boom house and story was faith-inspiring. If you haven't read "The Hiding Place" you should.

take flight

2008-02-14T17:30:00.000-08:00

"Oh my bags are packed. I'm ready to go. ....I'm leaving on a jet plane." TOMORROW!!!!

Count Down

2008-02-07T16:22:00.000-08:00

Ten...nine...eight...

Eight days until we leave for "the Dam"!

The Ugly American

2008-01-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

Ok, in three weeks we head off for our first trip to Europe. I'm very excited ( and not just because I get to be with my daughter again after 7 months). But - I am a social worker and "The Ugly American" was mandatory reading in my anthropology class days .(Yes, I know that was many, many years ago!) I really want to represent myself (and my country) in a positive way so I've been thinking about ways to avoid being seen as "ugly" by the lovely dutch folks. That may be somewhat difficult with my Missouri Show Me state, Arkansas (Go Pigs, Soooooeh), Texan, and South Carolina southern background. So I need a list to help me avoid the pitfalls. This is what I've got so far:
1. Blend in. (i.e. leave the sapphire blue coat at home -per Michelle's advice).
2. Leave politics out of all conversations. (I figure that since Michelle and her Dad fight on the phone about politics already - it would be best to avoid this topic completely. Actually, as far as I'm concerned that's a topic I always prefer to avoid.)
3. Keep my voice volumn down. (I hope this doesn't apply to singing - but I will avoid singing in public places.)
4. Speak dutch. (Well, that's one item I won't be doing. As bad as I am at languages I'd probably insult someone while asking where the bathroom is. So scratch that one from the list.)

Suggestions anyone?

I think I'm going - "blonde"

2008-01-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

Last weekend Ron and I had a formal "do" to attend. I spent much of the weekend before shopping for the right dress (fashionable, sexy - but not too sexy). So Friday comes and I hurry home from work so I would have time to showere and do my hair and make-up before going out. Ron gets home, changes too and off we go.
We get down town and stroll up to the party location - only to find the entire building completely cloed up and dark. So now we walk back to the car and call Logan (who happened to be home on break and actually at the house for a change) and ask him to go look at the invitation. Sure enough - right there in plain english - the date of the party - Saturday (not Friday!).
I actually found it quite funny - and told Ron we had a "dress rehearsal".
So now I need to decide if I am turning blonde or if this was a "senior" moment. Personally, I vote for going blonde!

What kind of people are the hardest for you to work with?

2007-12-12T14:25:00.000-08:00

I am so often amazed by what people will say during a job interview. Yesterday during an interview one of my staff asked the candidate what kind of people were the most difficult for her to work with. The response, "the unsaved - from a christian standpoint." (And bear in mind - she had absolutely no way of knowing the "saved" status of the staff who were conducting the interview.)

My staff were somewhat taken aback by this response - and I was quite frankly appalled. The organization I work for is not a christian organization - but we are a non-profit human service organization. Our job is to support, encourage, and expand the opportunities for people with a variety of disabilities - people who unfortunately are often seen by society as unlovely - as outcasts. Our staff are (for the most part) dedicated, loving, caring people - who work to bring about not only tolerance and acceptance but true inclusion for everyone. Our staff and clients come from many backgrounds and faiths. As a christian I often have the opportunity to show Christ's love and God's mercy to both staff and clients. I have many opportunities to counsel, encourage, and lead people to make better choices with regard to their way of life - physically, emotionally, AND spiritually. (And at times I have the opportunity to ask them for forgiveness when I've done something stupid.) I believe that my work in this field is a mission - a calling of God.
It is a field full of people - some are "saved" , some are "unsaved" (and it's not my job to decide which is which). My duty and my joy as a christian is to show and share Christ with all of them as I go about my daily work..

I'm so glad that Christ didn't find "the unsaved" (from a religious view) the hardest to work with. The lepers, the sick and lame, the possessed, the sinners, the lost - the "unsaved" are who he came for, the ones he chose to be with, the ones he loved. How sad that a believer has missed that point. If you find it hard to work with the "unsaved" - how small your world must be, and how small your love for those God's plan and Christ's gift was meant to save. If God's people find it hard to work with the "unsaved" - how will anyone else come to be saved?

It makes me want to cry for this woman.

No Tomorrows

2007-11-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

No one is guaranteed "tomorrow." We all know that intellectually - but generally we: a) don't think about it and b) don't really believe it applies to people we know, and c) definitely don't believe it applies to us. But every now and then we get a wake-up call.

Mine came today when I got a phone call informing me that a consultant I worked with frequently and over a period of several years was found dead in his home this morning. I and my co-workers had a difficult time wrapping our minds around that fact. After all he had just been with us last Wednesday and he was scheduled to be at our site again in 2 days. The shock of his death in his sleep as a 40-something, apparently healthy man, was quite unexpected.

After a couple of hours I found my thoughts going off in a different direction. I suddenly realized that I did not know if he was a believer in Christ. In fact, despite frequent conversations over the last 2 or 3 years- I could not remember even one time when we discussed faith in Christ. If he was not a christian -I did nothing to bring him to Christ. I never considered that he might not have a tomorrow.

How many others have I failed to share Jesus' love and grace with? If I - as a believer - don't share my Lord - who will?

It's a dog's world

2007-10-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

My mother left me a message this morning telling me that I was getting a new step-sister. This was quite a surprise since to my knowledge my parents weren't divorced - let alone remarried. I talked to them just the other day so I didn't think either of those things could have occured that quickly or without my knowledge.

So I quickly called home and asked Dad... which of you is getting remarried resulting in a step-sister. He laughed (BIG sigh of relief - just kidding mom and dad) and said mom was finally getting the puppy she's talked about forever. So instead of a step-sister I got a new doggy foster (adopted?) sister.
Evidently this has been in the works for a couple of days at least since mom and dad had already been shopping for "puppy things" - gates, toys, bedding, etc. The new pup is a Shitzu female - still to be named.

Good dog story!

Unfortunately MY dog has not been so good the last two days. Yesterday I came home from work to find a "gift" pile by the back door...which wouldn't have made me too upset since it was by the correct exit and maybe he just couldn't wait. Unfortunately after cleaning that mess up, I noticed that something still smelled. As I moved through the house I discovered "gifts" on every rug in the downstairs portion of the house (5 to be exact). I was NOT thrilled with my dog. I made him stay outside all evening and spent quite some time cleaning carpets.

At about 6:30 this morning I was awakened to my husband's LOUD complaint that "He did it again!" Yep, doggy - allowed to sleep in our room at night - had left us another present. Fortunately my husband "found" it before I woke up - since I would have stepped right in it upon getting out of bed. Day 2 and doggy is once again banished to the outside.

Now the big questions are:
Why did he do "it?" Will he do it again?

Meanwhile, there he stands on the deck at the backdoor - staring in at me, nose to the glass, and looking innocent of any wrong doing.

So why do I feel guilty?

myrtle beach - here i come!

2007-10-08T17:02:00.001-07:00

I'm off to the beach tomorrow for the annual SCAAIDD conference. Hope everyonoe has a good week! Be back Friday.

birthday wishes

2007-09-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

Sunday is Michelle's 23rd birthday! ;)
Unfortunately I won't get to spend any of it with her :(
Actually I haven't spent the last 3 birthdays (or is it 4?) with her either but I knew she was surrounded by a host of friends at Harding. (Yes, Michelle, I know you have friends in Amsterdam too.)
Anyway, for her birthday:

May she feel loved by family and friends (old and new).

May she have laughter to fill the day (Michelle: If you get them to play the game I sent in your birthday package - you're sure to have a few laughs - you may be laughing at your mother's silliness but hey, it's still laughing.)

May she feel God's presence and love surrounding her.

May she have one new experience to enjoy (We all know how much Michelle likes new adventures.)

complacent christianity

2007-09-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

I bought a new CD last week (Casting Crowns -"The Altar and the Door") - and once again God has used music to get my attention.
I've been without Christ - with all the pain of sin, the guilt, the sorrow for my actions, the yearning to be clean again - yet I've really been struck by how complacent I often am in my christianity. I go to worship, teach the children, pray and move right along with the rest of my life. None of this really requires much sacrifice from me in the way of money, time, or talent. After all - I LOVE to sing, I enjoy working with children, I can fit prayer in during the little spaces of my day (driving, cooking, etc.) None of it requires any real risk.
So often I am without the passion of my faith. I want to be a christian but I don't want to be seen as too much of a christian. I don't want to be lost but I don't want to be radical either. The problem with that is - Jesus IS radical. God's plans are radical. He wants radical believers. He wants us to believe that he can and will do the impossible - and he'll do it with us.

The song "Somewhere in the Middle" has really stuck in my mind...the mental pictures I see as I listen to the words are so vivid.

So in case you haven't heard the song here it is:

"Somewhere between the hot and the cold. Somewhere between the new and the old. Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be. Somewhere in the middle you'll find me.

Somewhere between the wrong and the right. Somewhere between the darkness and the light. Somewhere between who I was and who you're making me. Somewhere in the middle you'll find me.

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense, deep water faith - in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle.

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is, But will we trade our dreams for his? Are we caught in the middle?

Somewhere between my heart and my hands. Somewhere between my faith and my plans. Somewhere between the safety of the boat and crashing waves. Somewhere between a whisper and a roar. Somewhere between the altar and the door. Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more. Somewhere in the middle you'll find me.

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control. Lord, I feel You in this place and I know you're by my side. Loving me even on these nightswhen I'm caught in the middle."

who we are is not necessarily how others see us

2007-09-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

After attending worship and the inaugural meeting of the empty nester's club (All Right! -Jim, that's for you.) Ron and I spent the rest of the day as volunteers parking cars for a polo game. I know nothing about polo but in exchange for volunteers to handle the parking the agency I work for will get paid / donation to go towards our building fund. (Since we are at licensed capacity in the county with a LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG waiting list for services a new building is really needed. ) Anyway, here I am in shorts, t-shirt and a lovely orange vest directing people to the proper parking places. I shortly discovered that the way people addressed me - while friendly - was definitely not the way I am usually addressed. I was rather entertained by the number of times I was called Honey, Doll, Babe, etc. by people that in other circumstances would be calling me Mrs. Staggs, ma'am, etc. Their perception of who I was seemed to be very dependent on the role I was playing at the time. Don't get me wrong - no one was intentionally rude, people were pleasant/smiling/cooperative. It did make me think about how I see myself, how I see others and how they see me..I might need to be a little more careful about my assumptions about who people are in future interaction.

No news is good news?

2007-08-22T14:37:00.001-07:00

No news is good news I've heard that line a thousand times - but I still can't decide if it's a truism or a lie. This week I am having a lot of opportunties to test it.
1. Earthquake in Peru - where oldest step-daughter, her husband, and 2 and 8/9's grandchildren live. No news for nearly 24 hours after the quake. Definitely did not feel like good news. Did get an email late the day after (phones were still down.) and everyone was ok.
2. Reviewers at work for a BIG audit / contract compliance review all week. I wasn't even asked any questions by them today. Maybe that's good - everything was clear and correct (I hope) or everything was so obviously out-of-compliance that they didn't even feel the need to get more information. The jury is still out on this one. I'll find out on Friday whether "no news" during the review was good or bad.
3. Logan at Harding for a week. No calls from him. Is that good news (he's having a great time and hopefully going to classes) or bad news (he hates harding, his roommate, his classes, and his parents for sending him there and is no longer speaking to us). I have actually spoken to him twice (for maybe 5 minutes total in the last week and only after leaving messages like call home because I am getting emails about your parking permit being returned as undeliverable). The first thing out of his mouth both times was "What do you want?" He is alive, and busy - so I guess in this case no news was good news.

That makes the tally even at one for truism, one for lie, and one for undecided.

growing pains

2007-08-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to me - in a personal (not a cool, clinical) way -that growing hurts. Kids have growing pains as their bones grow and the rest of them tries to catch up - not imaginary pains but real, physical pain.
All through life we experience pain or at least discomfort with each growth process. Birth - you gotta go through pain to get out of mom and into the big world (and medical studies show that babies whose mothers experience labor (versus planned c-sections where the mother doesn't go through labor) do better. Whether you are learning a new skill (like riding a bike, Michelle?), starting a new relationship, or moving out on your own - pain is a part of the process.
The past week has been a growing one for me (and for my daughter - but you have to read her blog for that story). Michelle moved out of the country for a while and Logan left for college.

While I have been looking forward to Ron and I being a couple again - this week has been hard - make that painful. I miss them. I worry about them. I hurt to see them dealing with their own fears, anxieties, and challenges. But this week has also been a great week spiritually for me. I had gotten pretty lax in prayer life and my time in God's word. This week has brought a renewal there - and a reminder to me of the peace and comfort God has for me.
So while I have been experiencing pain - it truly is a growing pain. And while I want to protect my children from pain - I don't want them to lose out on what they can gain because of a fear of the pain -whether its the pain of seperation, or of failing at something, or just the fear of the unknown. Because while the pain is real - it doesn't last forever...and the end results can be surprizingly good.

Flown the coop

2007-08-07T12:48:00.000-07:00

Well, once again Michelle has left the country. You would think by now I would be getting used to these departures and goodbyes. Even though I am excited for her and Ron and I have been looking forward to our empty nest - it's hard to say goodbye knowing it will be several months before we see each other again. The worst part isn't not seeing her - it's not being able to talk to her whenever. She is more than my daughter - she is my friend- and I will miss the talks.
At least this trip is motivating me to get a passport so I can go visit her. (And at least this time she is in a country I would ACTUALLY visit!)

Anyway, one down - one to go. Logan leaves next Wednesday for Harding!

"Empty" Nest? I don't think so.

2007-06-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

Last week Ron and I had a little taste of our soon-to-be-empty nest. We found ourselves talking about what we might want to do with all the kids gone. Ron wants to do more weekend "road trips" like we used to do. He's rather impulsive and likes to just get in the car and head out. Once when we were first married we ended up way out there at the observatory in Texas (with no cash!) , found a little bed-and-breakfast which didn't take credit cards and convinced them to take a check so we could sleep somewhere besides the car (something I draw the line at). Road trips are usually one day and the only rule is - if you see anything that sounds like it might be interesting - we have to stop and check it out. Since the things Ron and I find "interesting" are often not of interest to the kids - this kind of trip hasn't happened in a while.

Then I threw him a curve. I said I'd like to try taking dance lessons together. Growing up as a good "church of christ-er" I never really learned to dance - since we weren't allowed to go to school dances. Needless to say, his initial response wasn't exactly eager. But I persevered. .. and I think I can actually get him to try. It should be good exercise, might be "romantic", and will definitely provide a lot of laughs (especially since neither of us is exactly "light-on-our-feet").
Then today - I saw an article in the newspaper about geo-caching (sp?). It might be a fun activity to add to our upcoming "road trips."

At least we know that there will be plenty to occupy us when the nest is empty.

Buffaloes!

2007-06-04T18:02:00.000-07:00

I am now the proud owner of a water buffalo! Well, okay, I'm the owner of a 1/4 of a water buffalo...which I received as a birthday present. Of course, I didn't ACTUALLY get the water buffalo - just a picture of a one. My water buffalo has gone to live with a lovely foster family who will use him to till and fertilize their fields. But still, it is my 1/4 of a buffalo and since it was a birthday present I believe I should get to pick the quarter of the animal that I own. Therefore I am claiming the tail (but not what it is attached to!), the head (complete with horns), and the belly. I figure the foster family will want the legs and back (for tilling), and the buttocks (for, well, you know). They or one of the other 1/4 owners can claim the rest. I will even graciously allow them to have their own name for him. I will call him SaBu. All the veggie tale fans know why.

Anyway, I had a nice birthday.

NO MORE HIGH SCHOOL

2007-06-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

As of last night - High School is officially over! Obviously I left it behind a great many years ago - but as of last night the baby of the family is also finished with it. And to make things even better - once August and the start of freshman orientation at Harding gets here - Ron and I will officially be empty nesters (assuming that Michelle gets her visas and leaves for Amsterdam as scheduled). Which means - we will be a "couple" again!

Maybe I'm a weird mom, but I am excited about all of this. I've been talking to and about some other parents I know who are all weepy and upset about their child leaving home. I love my kids (and step-kids, and grandkids, and foster kids) but children are supposed to grow up and leave home and parents are supposed to prepare them to do so. If I have done my job right they should want to become independent adults - making their own contributions to the world, finding their own sense of purpose, jobs, mates, etc. Of course I want to be a part of their lives and I want to know what they are doing, and I want to have time with them. And yes, I will probably tear up when Logan's car pulls away to head to college. But I actually like getting to see our relationships change. With adult children I get to be Mom still - but I also get to become friends too.

So to Logan and all the new graduates - Congratulations, and enjoy the next phase in your life. To the other parents of grads - Congratulations, you have done well - now let go.
To my husband - congrats! We did it!

Vision Screening

2007-05-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

I don't have very good vision...literally. Without my glasses I walk into doorframes, counters, people,etc. I'm constantly adjusting my glasses - especially since I went to bi-focals. It's amazing how hard it can be to find the right spot to look through.

Anyway, I am also not very visually observant - I would be hard pressed to describe people I have known for years to anyone...even my own family. But today I had a chance to sit back and see my son the way others do. And I'm sorry to say that I've missed a lot. Yes, I knew he was smart, and talented, and so on...every mom knows that. But today I just watched him - as he spoke before about 200 people at his church about being an "ear" in the body of Christ. And I watched him as he played hig guitar and sang to the lord. And I listened to those who have gotten to know him at his church talk about how talented he is and how glad they are that he is there.

Sometimes I think I am too close ro my family - my son -to really see them. Too close to see beyond my expectations to who and what he is becoming. I'm used to being a "voice" in the body - singing, teaching, etc. Today I had to experience being an eye - and an ear. It was different - and not all together comfortable.

25 years and loving it!

2007-05-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

Today is our 25th wedding anniversary. I can not believe that 25 years have gone by so fast. I am looking forward to what the next 25 hold for us. To Ron - who through the years has helped me to obtain everyting I've wished for. I hope everyone finds love like ours.

Get out of the Boat!

2007-04-30T18:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend while looking for stuff to use in children's worship for the story of Jesus walking on water, I came across a book titled "If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat". I have found myself considering the thought that title conveys quite a bit over the last couple of days. I've also thought a lot about Peter in (and out) of the boat.
We all have dreams of the great things we will do with our lives. But somewhere between the dream and the action we allow fear to stop us and keep us within the confines of our comfort zones. Fear of failure, fear of what others will say, fear of not being as good at it as someone else, fear of the unknown, fear in general.
Like the other disciples in the boat - I can see Jesus - I want to go to him - but I can't overcome my fear enough to take that first step. Can you imagine what the other disciples felt (and said) as they saw Peter put his leg over the side of the boat? I can hear them so easily. "What are you doing? You'll kill yourself! Stop, you're going to tip us over! Stop making us look bad! Why do you always have to try so hard. Look at Peter, grandstanding again!"
It's so easy to be afraid. And like Peter - it's so easy to get distracted and let my fear get the better of me.
Sometimes my fears even result in my trying to stop someone else from stepping out of the boat. The first year Michelle went to Africa, I really struggled with it. I was so afraid of what MIGHT happen to her...and it was a daily struggle to get through. I had to keep reminding myself that I had promised God when she was very small that her life was his to use - not mine to direct.
Sometimes we just need to put "common sense" behind us, quit worrying about getting wet, and sling that leg over the side of the boat. Who knows - the water might feel pretty good.

Christianity is not for adults

2007-04-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

Last night while checking in on the discussion topics at various facebook sites I came across one that immediately caught my attention. It was on the "you know you are a church of christ" group on facebook. A young woman was concerned about the appropriateness of her 18 year old cousin being baptized because he has autism.
Since I work with people with mental retardation and autism all the time (and the two are not the same thing) I had to look at her post and respond. Several others had made notes about "talking to the person to see if they really understood what baptism was all about", studying with the person, and so on. While these are not necessarily inappropriate actions - anyone might benefit from such studying and conversations - what struck me was the expectation that the person in question needed to know God and understand God in the same way as they (those without the disability) did. I wondered if any of us could look back at the time of our salvation and say that we really knew and understood what our action and God's intent was. I readily admit that my understanding 15 was different from my understanding at 9 when I was baptized. At fifteen I decided to be re-baptized (is there such a thing?) because I "didn't really know what I was doing before." Now in my forties I look back through my life and see many times when I understood more - and at times , less - than I did then. But I believe that I surrendered to Christ at age 9, and continue to do so today.
Jesus told us to become like little children because such is the kingdom. If that is the case, how can any one consider denying a young person the opportunity to surrender themselves to him? Whether they understand the ins and outs of christianity - I don't know - and I don't think it matters. I know that I have had a number of people with mental retardation minister to me, admonish me, and model Christ to me. I have prayed and waited for death with a woman who knew she was dying and was unafraid because she knew she was going to be with Jesus. She chose the songs for her own funeral - and they were joyful songs of praise to God. She knew that there was a God who was THE power, she knew Jesus was his son and that Jesus loved her, she knew she had "done bad things" and wanted forgiveness, and she had joy in her Lord. If that isn't christianity I don't know what is. It didn't matter that her IQ was that of an 8 -9 year old child. So lets all be children of God's - like her - and forget about being "adults" when it comes to faith.

old-style conservatism is not just an age thing

2007-03-31T17:52:00.000-07:00

I've been reading several discussions on some C of C groups on facebook recently and I've been kind of surprized by some of the discussions. There is such diversity in the views expressed about everything from baptism - to the C of C is THE church - to vocal vs instrumental music. What has taken me somewhat aback is the number of young christians (in age, not years as a christian) that seem to hold the old hardline beliefs I grew up with. As I have gotten older I've moved away from the strict, narrow interpretations of "creed" that were the definition of the C of C. I remember having bible studies with baptist friends with the single purpose of converting them to the real church of christ. I remember the preaching against instrumental music and the visible works of the spirit (healing, speaking in tongues). I struggled with what defines a christian and christian worship. My husband and I encouraged our children to study for themselves and not just accept whatever they were taught as being "right." I came to believe that the view of christianity I grew up with was limited by people - not necessarily by God. I think I expected the struggles of the next generation - the teens and twenty-somethings of today - to have a different set of struggles. After reading some of the discussions this week it seems that we have not moved as far from my starting point as I had believed. Maybe it is a journey that every generation has to take...I don't know. I found it kind of discouraging though. If we are still engaged in separating ourselves from "those denominations" who believe in Jesus - how will we ever reach those who do not believe in Him at all?

Job = Work

2007-03-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

Having a job means you are actually expected to do some work. Evidently this is a big secret and not something that everyone already knows. At least I have to think that based on the frequency with which someone gets hired who doesn't seem to know this.
Why would anyone think I would pay them for doing nothing or for not coming to work?
The only answers I have come with for that question is that a) they really believe that people should pay them just for showing up (at whatever time they choose to arrive), or b) they are so special that everyone owes them, or c) the company (or maybe just me) is too stupid to notice that they are not actually doing anything.
All I know is that today I let a "new employee" go - after only 3 weeks "on the job" during which time he had to repeatedly be asked to end phone calls during training, got up and walked out of training to "check on something", failed to get the required physical (which we pay for), was "unable to work" 2 days, and today came to work, clocked in , and THEN WENT SHOPPING! Didn't clock out, didn't tell anyone, didn't understand "what the big deal was." So just in case someone is reading this who isn't already in ono the big secret, let me say it again, "Having a job means that you are required to actually expend your own energy and work (i.e. complete tasks assigned to you by someone else)." Nuff said.

changing relationships

2007-03-18T16:22:00.000-07:00

During worship today Charles talked about an old friend of his from High School. Someone who had been a close friend..but things had gradually changed, as they often do, until we completely lose touch with them...lose the relationship entirely. He went on to talk about how Jesus is the one friend we don't have to worry about losing. He never forgets us, never moves on to "bigger and better things". He is the constant. That permanance really hit me today.
Maybe because I am at a time in my life when so many relationships are changing. My relationship with my parents (the realization of their aging, the differences in how my brother,sister, and I worry about them), my relationship with my children - as they graduate from college and high school and leave home (in Michelle's case leave the country - again!) , my relationship with my husband as we prepare to celebrate our 25 th anniversary and return to the "2 of us" at home, even changes with relationships at work as those I have trained and supervised and mentored now begin to move into positions as my peer and I begin to take on new responsibilities that are different from theirs. Subtle changes in dynamics that occur in these relationshipsand have to be prepared for and considered.
Don't get me wrong - I don't find any of these changes bad or frightening - in many ways I've been looking forward to them.. I am just very aware of the way they are changing. But I admit - the idea of one relationship that will always be there, that can always be counted on, and is always accessible - is very reassuring right now.

Never Stop Learning

2007-03-08T16:44:00.000-08:00

Finally, I figured out how to add links!
So maybe now I can aspire to bea tecno-moron istead of an idiot. (Actually that would be a backwards move based on the old mental retardation ratings..fortunately those are really politically incorrect and out of use.)

Correcting my perspective

2007-03-02T15:51:00.000-08:00

This week I have had the truly horrible experience of a stomach virus - complete with three full days of vomiting, etc. So I go back to work yesterday and I'm still feeling wrung out but feeling virtuos because I came to work. Then today was one of those days that wakes you up and makes you see your own life and circumstances from a different perspective. The kind of eye-opener that makes me aware of how blessed God has made my life.
So anyway, I'm at work today and notice one of my employees seems to be in pain - holding her stomach, not saying much, and kind of a grimace on what I can see of her face. When I ask if she's getting sick (because of course, since I just had a virus - everyone else must be getting the same thing) she turns to face me and I see that she has a black eye and split lip. Suddenly her holding her stomach takes on a whole different meaning.
AS I talk with her I find she has been beaten up by her ex-husband, she's got LOTS of bruises, and she's scared he's going to get out of jail and come after her again. But here she is - at work - not carrying on about it, not expecting any one to help or anything to change, not even really seeing her life as different from others.
So now, I'm not feeling quite so smug about myself, and I'm more aware of how blessed my life really is, and I'm thanking God for reminding me of both these things while placing me where I can offer hope and comfort to someone else - as he has brought hope and comfort to me.

Still a techno idiot

2007-02-15T16:40:00.000-08:00

I am still a blogging incompetent. It took me 20 minutes to remember my new google acct and password ...and I still can't get the stupid thing to let me log in a comment elsewhere. But I am determined...I shall overcome!

Voiceless

2007-02-12T16:42:00.000-08:00

Well once agian I have lost my voice. I did manage to hold on to it for most of the day - which was good since I was teaching staff development classes for 4 hours. Now, however, I am COMPLETELY with out a speaking voice. I am not truly voiceless thougth. That is one of the nice things about the eworld. I can still send emails with the best of them...and since my daughter has been complainging about my poor blogging (ie she's even changed her name for my blog in her links list) I can even do some blogging.
Despite losing my voice - the first part of the day was pretty good. I actually like to teach, I love coming up with interactive ways to get people to learn the concepts and apply them, and I am really a pretty good teacher. Teaching is still on the top of my list of things I might do when I grow up.

meaning of life

2006-12-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

meaning of life

Christmas Rant

Why do we have to be so careful not to "offend" others by talking about or focusing on Christ at Christmas (or any other time) yet we are supposed to be supportive of any event, display, or expression of other beliefs?
As a supervisor I am aware of and sensitive to the need to provide people alternate work assignments for staff members who have different beliefs (i.e. judiasm, islam). When we host a Christmas party for our clients I make sure that they can work at one of our other work assignments for the day, etc.
But I can not accept the restrictions on christianity (often in favor of other faiths) in the name of seperation of church and state. The US supreme court has before it a case dealing with a school district that has refused to allow a display of Christmas emblems in the school BUT the same school allows displays related to hannakah and ramadan. Does that make sense? Anyway, the irony gets better because the Supreme court has not yet decided the case because the members of the court are on their CHRISTMAS break.
I'd laugh (it is kind of funny) but I know that I can't count on common sense in the final decision from the Supreme Court.

holiday fashion

2006-11-30T17:10:00.000-08:00

Why do woman get so wrapped up in what to wear? Now that the holiday party season has started - I have to attend this year's first event tomorrow - it's time for the annual clothing panic.
You've got to worry about what kind of party wear to put on - formal, dressy casual(?), casual, nude (kidding!).
You've got to worry about under or over dressing for the event.
Plus here in S. Carolina you never know if it's going to be 75 (like today) or 40 (like the forecast for this weekend) so even if you have the right formality of apparel you stillmay be in trouble if it is too hot or too cold for what you had planned to wear.
And men have it way too easy. Most of the time they can put on a suit or nice jacket and tie and they will be fine. (Of course it's EASY to take off a tie or a jacket if things are more casual than expected...It's kind of hard to make formal or cocktail dress look "casual"

Then you get to throw in the rest of the social anxiety thing with work related parties - especially your spouse's work events. God forbid you appear gauche or socially inept and screw up his (or your own) chance at promotion, etc.

Sometimes though, the event so dreaded turns out to actually be a lot of fun - in which case you quickly forget what you or anyone else is wearing. (Would you believe that I went to one retirement party and found myself and the only other spouse I knew at the event wearing nearly idnetical tops. We decided to tell everyone we were sisters and laughed our way through the rest of the night.

one of a kind

2006-10-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

While reading other people's blogs (yes, they are people I know), I read one that sends you to a site to see how many people in the USA have the same name. I was quite surprized to discover that no one else in the states has my first and last name combined. For that matter only 6 people have my middle and last name. Weird but kinda interesting.

love what you do

2006-10-23T14:52:00.000-07:00

Why do people go to jobs that they obviously do not like day after day? I've never understood why anyone would do that. At work today I was struck by how much I love what I do...and how the reverse is true for some people. My work isn't glamourous....I'll never get rich from it...and many people wouldn't want to do what I do...but I love it. IN fact, other than my first job as a telephone solicitor (which lasted about a month) I have enjoyed every job I've had.

Finding something you love - someplace where you can make a difference in the lives of those you work with or for, .in the world around you - and doing it is what makes me want to get out of bed (and out of the house) every day. We are here for a purpose and I believe that when we are engaged in fulfilling that purpose we will enjoy life and work.

Why do so many people stay in jobs they hate? Is it fear? Laziness? Ignorance?

you're as young as you let yourself be

2006-10-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

I have about 85 people who work for me...and if you ask any of them who are under 30 they know all about blogs. Ask the ones who are 40+ and the percentage drops WAY down. Everyone seems to associate blogging (and for that matter - real computer literacy) with the "younger" generations. All this internet "stuff" is like another language to those of us who are middle age or older. People are surprized when I mention having a zanga site or reading someone's blog. It's like I have invaded a land I am supposed to be banished form.
Anyway, I've decided that I don't care...I like to write (even if I'm only writing to myself). and I like to read what others have to say. I especially like to see what my children and their friends (who have in recent years entered adulthood) have to say. It's fun to watch them take on the world. So if blogging is for the young - I've decided to let myself be young - at least in writing.